She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
