You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
