you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
