I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
