Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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