dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
