she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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