I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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