i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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