it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
