When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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