you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
