Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
