apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
