why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
