Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
