I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
