things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
