im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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