he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize