Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was like eating out sand paper
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
