And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
True strength comes from lack of pants
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
