i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
