he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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