I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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