Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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