i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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