Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
