Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
