Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
