we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
