Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
