sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize