i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
