Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
