Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize