He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize