I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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