i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
