How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
