Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
