ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
