I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish there were birth control emojis
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
