I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize