Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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