i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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