I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
