my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
