i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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