Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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