she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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