I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
