I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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