She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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