i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
