piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
