DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
