i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So vagazzling was a success
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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