Cold hands, warm shart.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
