Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
