Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
