Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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