did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
