are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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