i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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