my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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