I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
