a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
