My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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