She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
