I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
