I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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