we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
